Snow

This week, Kylie and I were on our way to a better place mentally than last week. And we planned a fun early birthday celebration mini-day trip for me. 

On Monday Kylie felt relatively normal. What is normal these days? A better phrase would be “She felt energized enough to do some of her normal routine tasks.” Things she usually did before she started chemotherapy and had all the vitality sucked out of her body. But for good cause. We are so grateful she is doing treatment so she can be cured. 

I took the kids to the library for a fun bean mosaic activity. Emmie drew my picture of the dog I put beans on! 

Shauna, Kylie’s Aunt came to help us out this week. Shauna and Kylie have always gotten along well and had a great relationship. I remember when Kylie and I were barely dating, we visited her family in AZ and spent some time at Shauna’s townhome. I remember walking up the stairs, apprehensive about meeting Kylie’s family while looking forward to it at the same time. After chatting with Shauna for a few minutes, I easily could see why Kylie was, and still is, so fond of her. Kylie held Shauna’s new baby while we visited. As I watched her I knew she would be a good mom right then. Since meeting Shauna and her family, we have spent a good chunk of time with them. When we all lived in Arizona, we would all be together at family gatherings, birthday parties, baby showers, etc. Then last year, we spent a week in Texas at Shauna’s house as we started thinking about traveling around for 6 months looking for a place to move. We thought about Texas and it was on our list for a while. 

Shauna went with Kylie to Chemo this week. Kylie’s chemo went well. She had to get the big three drugs this week. Thankfully her Nuetrophils were at 2.4 which is 2,000 units higher than last week. Her hemoglobin was low though. This explains why she has been out of breath doing things like going up the stairs. If your hemoglobin is low then your body does not have enough oxygen-carrying resources and this can cause you to get out of breath. The nurses explained that this is why she would need a blood transfusion, to help her hemoglobin levels. We were under the impression that it would be to lift her Neutrophils but that was incorrect. 

The next day Shauna took Willie to the library. Kylie rested and napped on the couch and I worked.  

Shauna left after helping us so much. She made us delicious pizza rolls, and soup and helped out around the house with all the little things. She left right before a snowstorm. The plane flew to Dallas but couldn’t land so they flew back to Arkansas and she slept in the airport there. Thankfully she got to Dallas on Friday. 

The rest of the week was busy with me working and helping the kids and Kylie resting to recover from the difficult Chemo week. 

Kylie did an Ionic foot bath, which she does weekly to help draw toxins out of her body. Then some friends came over to spend some time with Kylie. They made some brownies and ended up doing dishes for us as well. 

Emmie did not have school on Friday because of the snow. It snowed around 12pm. 

Friday we spent the day watching snowfall and playing in it. This is the first time it has snowed where we have lived in a long time. The kids have seen snow but Willie has never been old enough to appreciate the snow. They were so fun going outside and eating it and touching it, laying down in it. We didn’t get much but it was followed shortly after by sleet and icy rain. It’s a good thing the schools were closed because the roads got slick. The buses would have had a hard time. Kylie and Tommy watched us play outside from the warmth of the house. 

On Saturday the kids and I went sledding for a few minutes in the neighborhood with the neighbors. We didn’t have a sled or proper snow gear for the kids so we only stayed about half an hour using friends’ sleds and snow pants. It was fun for all involved. 

Kylie’s body has been feeling bad this week. After getting all the drugs she is wiped out most days. We can probably expect her neutrophils and other parts of her blood to be down a lot next week. We learned this week that if I have a lot of work and we need more help. With the lighter chemo weeks, she is usually feeling okay after Thursday and can move around but not this week. This may get worse as treatment continues but hopefully, the patterns continue. It’s hard watching someone you live with suffer from something inside of them that you can do nothing about. Thankfully she is going to get cured so this is only for a short time. 

It wasn’t until Sunday that she truly felt good enough to move around and go somewhere. We went to church on Sunday and Kylie taught the little kids songs about prophets and Jesus. She marched around the room having the kids follow along in a train. It was fun and it was also the most Kylie had moved all week. 

Before church, Kylie and I had a conversation about things that need to change and how we can change that. The kids were there and saw us getting heated and raising voices. It was an emotional conversation. Mostly because I have a lot to work on and need to work through negative emotions in a better way. 

Later in the day, we came up with some solutions. The big one is that I need to stop doing so much and let the amazing people who are here to help us do more. So we made a list and printed it out and will be putting it on the bed they will sleep in. It’s a list of things they can help with that I am not going to do unless I have time. First, though, I need to focus on helping Kylie and myself feel loved and ready for the day mentally and emotionally, and throughout the day. Then I need to focus on helping the kids have good days. And then after that, I can do the house stuff. And that’s kind of hard for me to let go of a clean house or dishes always done. But I had to because I was causing issues in my primary and most important relationships. When I go meet God and Jesus after this life is done are they going to care about me and ask me “So Steve, I saw three hundred days out of the year 2025 your house was a mess, what was up with that? You didn’t meet our quality control standards.” No, they will not. Relationships matter and they are what’s important. The house stuff will eventually get done and it’s okay to have a messy house with 3 kids and someone going through cancer. This is a new change for my brain because growing up I was taught to work hard and a primary way as a child is in the home. So I’m learning to let go and let others help with these unimportant things. Let’s hope I don’t turn into the cat lady on the show Hoarders lol. 

Later Sunday night Emmie was saying a prayer. I stood in her doorway listening. She said “Please bless there is no tornadoes tonight or tomorrow or any tornado watches or tornadoes. (She’s been nervous about them since we had a tornado watch). Please bless Mom and Dad to not fight. Please bless me to be nice to Willie. Please bless me to play with Tommy soft. Please bless my dad to not be mad. Please bless Mom’s body to get better.”

If you want to know how to improve just listen in to a child’s prayer. 

Mom’s body will get better. Dad’s mental health will get better and after this, we will have all learned so much that will put us in a better place than we were before. Trials are hard and rigorous. Gold is made the same way, through a rigorous process that sifts out all the imperfections. We are being made into gold. 

#kyliebeatscancer