Happy New Year

The love and peace we felt on Sunday this week helped put things into perspective and brought clarity to our trial right now. 

Monday 

The week started great on Monday with a package in the mail from our old ward in Santan Valley AZ. It was so kind of them to send us some things and to be thinking of us. We loved that ward and community and had a lot of great experiences there. 

Kylies Aunt and Uncle also sent us a package with some things for us and some little things for the kids. It’s so kind of them and others to be thinking of us, especially with their busy lives. 

When we go get the mail these days we always have a little anticipation especially after Christmas and getting gifts for people in the mail. Emmie loves to open the little mail door that belongs and see if there is a second key inside. A special key that unlocks a bigger door in the main unit. 

Sometimes we find a key, sometimes we don’t but it’s always a little exciting for all. We usually get the mail on a walk or in our way home from somewhere. 

Kylies girlfriend group from AZ also sent her a Taylor Swift themed box this week. They all went to the Eras Tour concert together.

I took the kids to the park today and we had a good time being outside. 

Kylie hasn’t been feeling too good today, her body is tired and she just wants to lay down. She told me “I feel like a little kid with boogers constantly dripping down my face”. The chemotherapy takes away all the hair, even the nose hair. Without that hair, the boogers have nothing to stop them from dripping out. 

My mom and brother got to our house at 11 pm this evening. We are looking forward to having them for a few days. 

I’m especially looking forward to having my mom here. She’s always been my biggest cheerleader and I’m sure my siblings can say the same about them and their relationship with mom. Every time I have something new going on or am embarking on a new venture she always cheers me on. She asks me questions and gets interested in what I’m doing. My dad and mom have always been involved in my life even when living far away. And when we lived near them in AZ they would spend time with me and my kids and take us to new events like line dancing and movie parties at this community center. Most of all they support Kylie and I.

Tuesday

Today was New Year’s Eve! 

Kylie went to chemo with a friend today. We were nervous that she wouldn’t be able to be treated because of what happened last week. Sure enough, she got her blood drawn and her WBC neutrophils were at an All-Time Low(one of Kylie’s fav bands lol) of 0.4. For the next three days, she will receive injections to help boost her WBC count.

While she was gone my mom spent lots of time with the kids, holding Tommy, playing with Emmie and Willie, and cooking for us. This allowed me to work on some tasks with my brother. Putting up a doorbell, swapping the way the freezer door opens, and other small things.  

Later today we did a fun new tradition of fondue. We started with a cheese fondue then a little later we did an oil fondue with dinner meat and other food.  Then to top it off we did the best of them all, a chocolate fondue. The chocolate-covered strawberries and marshmallows were hits. 

At 8 pm we watched a recording of the hall drop in New York. I accidentally picked one from 2023 haha so 2 years ago. But it was still fun to see and countdown with the kids. Then the kids went to bed 

We stayed up chatting and all went to bed shortly after the ball dropped. It’s funny because I feel like on the days we aren’t “supposed to” stay up it’s easy to but then on the days we are, it’s somehow very hard. My eyes get heavy and bloodshot. 

Wednesday

Today is New Year’s Day. Kylie had to get her injection to boost her WBC in Greenville so she was gone for a few hours. They were not open at the location closer to us but that’s okay. We will do anything that’s needed to help her get better. 

While she was gone my brother and I finished the swing set that Kylie’s family and I started last week. We put it up and it works great. It’s nice to have something for the kids to go outside and do. And especially nice if we ever have to live like we are in a COVID-19 lockdown state, If Kylie’s WBC gets too low. 

Later in the day I took my brother to the park and taught him pickleball. The kids brought their new little electric car and went through the bumpy woods and even got to do some miniature rock crawling! 

Thursday 

Kylie’s body was feeling rough today. She spent a lot of time resting in bed. Typically in the mornings I’ll take care of Emmie and Willie and get them breakfast. Then around 8, I try to go in and get Tommy so Kylie can rest. If I’m not able to get Tommy I’ll bring a bottle up for him. We started this routine before Cancer because Kylie was doing all the night stuff with the new baby and needed a little more sleep in the morning. 

Kylie took it easy and rested in bed then rested on the couch. My brother, mom and I took the kids and went to the park. We taught my mom to play pickleball and took a nice long walk around the woods. 

My Mom and brother cooked us food many times this week and especially today. They are great cooks. 

Friday

My mom and brother left early in the morning 

Kylie was feeling better today than she was the previous day. Usually, the third day after Chemo treatment is the hardest. 

I went to lunch with a friend and he told me about his parents and wife’s battles with cancer. It’s interesting because before Kylie had cancer we have only heard about 1 or two people we know having cancer of some sort. Now it seems almost everyone we speak with knows someone who has had cancer. This makes sense because statistics say that about 4 in 10 people will develop some form of cancer in their lifetime. Some cancers will be violent and aggressive while others will be the opposite. It is a luck-of-the-draw type of thing. I wonder if people got cancer long ago before machines, plastics and other things that supposedly increase cancer risk came along. They probably did and just didn’t know why they died. Cancer in its simplest form is a mutation of cells because something during cell growth went wrong. Is it possible for a cave person to get cancer while chasing wooly mammoths? 

We went to dinner at a friend’s house tonight.  They cooked beefalo burgers for us. This meat is very good. It seems less fatty to me than beef and has a smoother consistency. It has a good flavor as well. They are so kind to invite us and have us over. It was nice to get out of the house and chat about lots of fun things. I signed up to run 2 Spartan races with them this year. One is an easy 5k and the other is a 50k 🤯. That’s not till November so I have plenty of time to prepare.  

Saturday 

This was a day at home mostly. The kids and Kylie went to a church activity for the children in the morning.

 Later in the afternoon, I took Emmie on a date. There was a tornado siren-like sound and Emmie got scared and wouldn’t let go of my hand the whole time. I think it was last Sunday, we had a lot of rain and a tornado watch warning. No tornado ever formed and all was well but it scared Emmie. She has a lot going on in her little brain.

We took some books to the library and printed something. Then we went to Walmart and got some personal ice creams and then we sat in the van and ate it together while we chatted.  She told me that a friend was telling her about how her grandparents had cancer and some of them died from it. 

She told me she was scared of her mom dying from her cancer. And she told me that  if mom died “you probably have to get married again because you need some help.”

After our date, we came home and had a family movie night. This is something we started doing when we moved to South Carolina. It was nice to watch the movie and snuggle together. 

After the kids went to bed Kylie and I chatted about the week and how it’s been pretty hard. I’ve been struggling mentally and she’s felt it and her body has been struggling this week. It’s all understandable given our circumstances but there are some things I need to work on. I found some support groups online for the caregiver spouse of someone going through breast cancer and asked to join them. I will also be starting to go to bed way earlier and then waking up a little earlier so I can have some time to myself in the mornings to get my brain and body ready for the day. I am also looking at finding a counselor. The oncologist staff supplied us with free resources to help in this area so we are investigating them to find the help we need. 

Sunday

On Sunday we went to church and had a good time. It was nice to get away from the house a little and associate with a community. Kylie wore her best wig for church and it looks nice. If you didn’t know she lost her hair you wouldn’t know this was a wig. 

I had some prayers answered at church. I’ve been struggling with the mental health part of this challenge this week especially and was praying for some help to show up somehow. I also fasted for this blessing today. As it so happens, the church is directly during the time that Tommy needs to nap. Kylie works with the children in primary at church helping them learn new songs about Jesus.

 When Tommy has to nap at church, I put this baby wrap thing on my chest, trying to not get it tangled up all around me, and then I put Tommy in it and we walk around for the remainder of the time. You will find me pacing to keep Tommy asleep in the back of the classroom. 

Today as I was doing this I was praying and thinking about The Doctrine and Covenants (the book of scripture we are studying this year) and I was asking to find peace and comfort. These words popped into my head directly from the Doctrine and Covenants. 

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

 Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

 Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.” – Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-9

This comforted me. Kylie and I have so many good friends and family who are standing by us and supporting us. We are here on earth to go through the good and the bad. I like to think that we chose some of the circumstances we would be in before we came to earth. As I was thinking about this I also thought about what Kylie and I spoke about yesterday. We are in the refiner’s fire and this can be a positive life-changing thing for us if we let it. That’s the key, let it. It is so easy to get hardened and angry and it is okay to be angry. But to let that anger consume me and make me bitter would do no good. With all of this in mind, I let my shoulders down and relax, they have been up all week, ask my Mom haha. 

And then, another tender mercy happened at church someone at church came up to me and asked if they could help us get in touch with a counselor. They also offered to be a listening ear. They said they felt impressed by the spirit to talk to us today. This is a clear sign that God loves us, all of us AND he knows what we are going through. He will help us because he loves us.  

After church, we went home and rested up. 

Kylie’s mom texted us and said this. “Our Stake President sent out an email to our Stake to join in on a Fast for those in need and included Kylie Paul Offutt and her family in the email. So many people are very sweet and so supportive. Many blessings coming from the Desert Ridge Stake 🩷”.

Kylie grew up in that stake since she was 8 years old. They are so sweet to send an email to the whole stake. 

The love and peace that we felt today helped put things in perspective and helped me specifically to relax and be at peace with the trial we have at this time. 

Here is to me letting myself walk through the refiner’s fire in 2025 to become a better person, more loving, patient, and kind. 

Happy New Year. 

#kyliebeatscancer